Theta (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
darkgathersin) wrote2009-03-22 06:59 pm
darkgathersin) wrote2009-03-22 06:59 pm
Entry tags:
[Fic] Five Times Theta Left And One Time He Stayed.
It's the first thing he's ever been really sure of.
She's upset when he tells her that he's leaving but, and he notes this with a quiet sadness in his heart, she doesn't seem surprised. Maybe she expected it, maybe she thought he really was like the Doctor, that he could pick up and leave so easily. Oh but she would be wrong because he doesn't want to leave her, not at all.
However, he also knows that this is best, this is what has to be done so Rose Tyler can be brilliant. She doesn't need anyone weighing her down, especially anyone like him.
He'll find his own way maybe, but even if he doesn't, he has complete faith that she'll find hers.
His hands are shaking and that's all he knows. There are voices, someone talking to him, telling him it's all right or was is a question? Is he asking if he is all right? he can't be sure, can't hear anymore, not really.
There's something moving closer, moving into his field of vision, obscuring it and soon he's in the dark. In a thick blackness that gets into his lungs, into his eyes, into every crevice of his skin and makes it so hard, so, so hard to move.
There are hands against his skin, he can feel them. Fingers on his forehead, against his cheek, something pulling him close. Something happened but he doens't know what. All he knows is the dark, the blackness that's inside and out and he can feel it getting into his head now, into his mind.
He tries to say something before he blacks out completely but all he can manage is "Sorry, Doctor."
He tells the TARDIS to tell the Doctor goodbye for him.
He would do it himself but he knows he would mess it up, knows that if he walked down the corridor to where the Doctor is, he would stay, he would get distracted and they would go on one last adventure for old times sake. He would get drawn in again and he cant afford to do that. He needs to leave while he still can.
While he still thinks it's the best thing to do.
Even now though, he has his doubts, even in this one moment as he stands right outside the TARDIS, he knows he can go back inside and pretend nothing happens but a pain shoots up his back and he sinks his teeth into his lower lip to keep from making a noise.
It was better if he left, after all, the Doctor needs a companion that's better than this. The Doctor needs someone brilliant and capable and who remembers what planet they were on. He needs a companion who doesn't lose his footing on solid ground and who will never forget who the Doctor is because the Doctor never deserves to be forgotten.
He needs someone who can do so much, not someone who can't give him anything..
He's gone the day he forgets who Koschei is. Even then he knows he shouldn't, that it's a terrible, horrible idea and it makes him feel sick to his stomach but considering he has felt like that for a while prior to his decision, it made no difference.
He forgot the one thing he thought he never would, the one person who gave him everything, a name, a sense of belonging. He gave him so much and Theta couldn't even be bothered to remember his name anymore.
It makes tears prickle the edge of his eyes but he doesn’t say anything or let them fall. He doesn't remember who he's crying for or why but he knows all he wants to do is stay, to sit down and curl up where he was and stay until he couldn't anymore. It was a good place, a safe place but somewhere he no longer belongs.
That's what he knows, that's what he remembers and he has to act on it.
So he leaves, quickly, quietly and with his heart aching for some reason he can't even understand.
He's not sure of what's going on anymore, not aware of his surroundings or who might be around him. He doesn't know anything.
He knows the black though, knows that it's always been there, always waiting for him in the back of his mind and it would make him smile if smiling didn't hurt so much. Always there, the one thing he never forgot even through everything else.
It was his one companion, his friend even though it terrified him. It was something familiar and he loved it for that.
It's why he stops fighting this time, why he lets his eyes fall shut and his body relax into the darkness. It was something he knew and he missed that, oh he missed that so very much.
And he knows how this works, knows that eventually he'll come out of the dark again, come to the light that burns his eyes, to the heat that stung his skin or the cold that left him shivering harder than he ever thought possible. It might not be much but it was something, it was an existence.
And he would come back to it sooner or later but, as he takes a breath, it strikes him that just this once, he wishes he could leave this behind and just stay in the dark instead.
So he does.
Word Count: 909
Verse: Technically Memento Mori but it takes you through a little bit of Elevenverse too.
She's upset when he tells her that he's leaving but, and he notes this with a quiet sadness in his heart, she doesn't seem surprised. Maybe she expected it, maybe she thought he really was like the Doctor, that he could pick up and leave so easily. Oh but she would be wrong because he doesn't want to leave her, not at all.
However, he also knows that this is best, this is what has to be done so Rose Tyler can be brilliant. She doesn't need anyone weighing her down, especially anyone like him.
He'll find his own way maybe, but even if he doesn't, he has complete faith that she'll find hers.
His hands are shaking and that's all he knows. There are voices, someone talking to him, telling him it's all right or was is a question? Is he asking if he is all right? he can't be sure, can't hear anymore, not really.
There's something moving closer, moving into his field of vision, obscuring it and soon he's in the dark. In a thick blackness that gets into his lungs, into his eyes, into every crevice of his skin and makes it so hard, so, so hard to move.
There are hands against his skin, he can feel them. Fingers on his forehead, against his cheek, something pulling him close. Something happened but he doens't know what. All he knows is the dark, the blackness that's inside and out and he can feel it getting into his head now, into his mind.
He tries to say something before he blacks out completely but all he can manage is "Sorry, Doctor."
He tells the TARDIS to tell the Doctor goodbye for him.
He would do it himself but he knows he would mess it up, knows that if he walked down the corridor to where the Doctor is, he would stay, he would get distracted and they would go on one last adventure for old times sake. He would get drawn in again and he cant afford to do that. He needs to leave while he still can.
While he still thinks it's the best thing to do.
Even now though, he has his doubts, even in this one moment as he stands right outside the TARDIS, he knows he can go back inside and pretend nothing happens but a pain shoots up his back and he sinks his teeth into his lower lip to keep from making a noise.
It was better if he left, after all, the Doctor needs a companion that's better than this. The Doctor needs someone brilliant and capable and who remembers what planet they were on. He needs a companion who doesn't lose his footing on solid ground and who will never forget who the Doctor is because the Doctor never deserves to be forgotten.
He needs someone who can do so much, not someone who can't give him anything..
He's gone the day he forgets who Koschei is. Even then he knows he shouldn't, that it's a terrible, horrible idea and it makes him feel sick to his stomach but considering he has felt like that for a while prior to his decision, it made no difference.
He forgot the one thing he thought he never would, the one person who gave him everything, a name, a sense of belonging. He gave him so much and Theta couldn't even be bothered to remember his name anymore.
It makes tears prickle the edge of his eyes but he doesn’t say anything or let them fall. He doesn't remember who he's crying for or why but he knows all he wants to do is stay, to sit down and curl up where he was and stay until he couldn't anymore. It was a good place, a safe place but somewhere he no longer belongs.
That's what he knows, that's what he remembers and he has to act on it.
So he leaves, quickly, quietly and with his heart aching for some reason he can't even understand.
He's not sure of what's going on anymore, not aware of his surroundings or who might be around him. He doesn't know anything.
He knows the black though, knows that it's always been there, always waiting for him in the back of his mind and it would make him smile if smiling didn't hurt so much. Always there, the one thing he never forgot even through everything else.
It was his one companion, his friend even though it terrified him. It was something familiar and he loved it for that.
It's why he stops fighting this time, why he lets his eyes fall shut and his body relax into the darkness. It was something he knew and he missed that, oh he missed that so very much.
And he knows how this works, knows that eventually he'll come out of the dark again, come to the light that burns his eyes, to the heat that stung his skin or the cold that left him shivering harder than he ever thought possible. It might not be much but it was something, it was an existence.
And he would come back to it sooner or later but, as he takes a breath, it strikes him that just this once, he wishes he could leave this behind and just stay in the dark instead.
So he does.
Word Count: 909
Verse: Technically Memento Mori but it takes you through a little bit of Elevenverse too.